Tag: life

Posted in Rachel's Journal 🌼

Sunday Thoughts & Blues

Posted on by Rachel

Before the pandemic started, every Sunday morning, as a family we would go out for breakfast, then have groceries after. Our favorite places to dine were Bluejay Coffee & Co., Bo’s Coffee and occasionally, Coffee Project.

This Sunday, we got to have the same routine except for the presence of my Dad who chose to stay at home because he can’t stand wearing a mask.

The ambiance in Coffee Project oozes with aesthetics and privilege? I mean most people who enter have the stance and confidence of rich people. I usually feel uncomfortable but I just try to focus on the pleasing interior.

The food and drinks here are good but a bit expensive.

I ordered a Caramel Latte.

For breakfast, I ordered Chicken Parmigiana with Hot Pepper Rice which I forgot to take a picture of.

While waiting for our orders to arrive, I glanced around to see that almost everyone was looking down on their phones. It got me thinking, “what was it like for people before, who didn’t have such technology? what did they do in a coffee shop while waiting for their drinks to arrive?”

I thought that maybe they talked a lot or if they were alone, brought a book with them to entertain themselves or maybe they just sat and think or observe.

I didn’t want to use my phone and in front of me about 5 feet away, a boy about 12 years old was sitting down with earphones on and so I did the same since my mom and brother were not in the mood for talking. And I reflected upon the book I read last night.

I remember how last year I would sit in those same spots and worry about the upcoming Monday were I had to face survival in an office setting. Now, I’m so grateful I can breathe easily without the anxiety of work brooding around.

After our fancy and expensive breakfast, (😢😅) we went to a family friend for some errands to make. It’s so weird to think we seldom see the people close to us anymore.

After our fast adventure, we headed to the grocery store, S&R. I only took one photo and an unflattering one as well.

I was caught up in talking to my brother as well as looking for something to buy. I got some few essentials.

It was a normal day but I just wanted to share what life was like today. The weather is cool and cloudy, the cars are few, and the day is peaceful.

I’m so glad that amidst the pandemic, we still get to have good days.

While sometimes, I feel like it’s safe to go out, I know it isn’t. Our enemy, the virus is still roaming around and we need to practice caution and care.

My heart goes out to all the families who have lost loved ones in this pandemic. Truly, you’ll never know what it feels like `til it happens to you. While life must go on, I hope we can all be sensitive, learn to take precautions, and keep in mind those who are fighting this virus and the frontliners risking their lives to help.

Stay safe!

Posted in Rachel's Journal 🌼

June Bug

Posted on by Rachel

Have you ever had moments where you regret not taking a picture?

I had that moment today. Again.

A little baby bug was found clinging to my newly washed t-shirt when I folded it this morning.

It was tiny and cute so I transferred it to an old towel nearby.

My first thought, which I must say, was horrible of me to think, was to throw it into the dark garbage bin or flush it down.

Then I stopped myself and asked, why?

It’s not doing anyone harm.

Thus, I decided to bring the little guy home.

I delivered it unto a Gumamela leaf, which he refused. So I grabbed a thick piece of grass and poked its claws until it transferred.

Definitely a moment that sparked peace and joy in my heart.

It made my soul swell with smiles.

It made me think how good God is.

I thanked myself I didn’t throw it away.

It’s an indescribable feeling, all brought to me by a little bug.

“I wish I took a picture,” was all I could say to myself.

I really wish I did. But special moments, even when not documented by photos, are deeply ingrained in our hearts and minds.

What I did today made me realize that all creatures have life and no matter how small, I think they too, deserve kindness and respect.

*Of course we should practice good judgment as some creatures are harmful! 😉

Fun fact: I was today years old when I found out this bug I found, is called the June Bug. They’re quite common in the Philippines.

Posted in Rachel's Journal 🌼

Bouncing back from Discouragement

Posted on by Rachel

During the month of May, I mustered the courage and probably lost my rationale when I decided to share my blog to my family members. I even created a Facebook Page and invited almost all of my family in the hopes of generating traffic for future posts.

Only, those future posts never came.

Here’s why.

“You think you write well, but you don’t.”

Those weren’t exactly the words said to me but it ran along the same lines, coupled with a mocking tone. Congratulations! My sunny hopes were shattered. I said goodbye to my inspiration to write.

I’ve been told before by various people atleast five times in mocking and condescending ways that I don’t write well, that I’m not talented, that I’m not a real writer, etc.

And believe me, I know. I know that I’m not a good writer.

I’ve accepted that fact a long time ago, but it took years for me to build up the courage and confidence to share my writings to people I know.

I have absolutely no worries sharing my blogs posts or articles to strangers. But if someone I know gets to read it, I might as well hide.

That’s why I couldn’t understand what went through my mind that made me think I could share this little piece of art I have here, to my family.

Because they don’t even care.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them if that’s how they feel. That’s alright. I’d rather them not care than make a nasty comment.

Picture my self-esteem vanishing like a mist when I heard these words:

“You think you write well, but you don’t.”

I felt like my castle crumbled overnight. (credits to tswift!)

In C. S. Lewis’ book, The Four Loves, he explained that sometimes family members make fun of someone who is different because 1) they don’t understand 2) they are insecure 3) they wish to do what the other is doing.

That happened around May, it’s July now and my family has forgotten this blog has even ever existed. I have deleted my Facebook Page and they never even noticed. I guess this is true:

If you’re absence doesn’t bother them, you’re presence never mattered.

Unknown

Well, good riddance. I have bounced back from that deep dark well I have allowed myself to climb in to.

Another lesson has been ingrained in my heart. It’s better not to tell anyone about this. If you happen to be here reading this seemingly lengthy and pointless post, I would like to thank you. Thank you for your time.

While going through a difficult time, I pushed through all the hardships and self-published my book, Threads of Hope. I am proud of myself for persevering even when the voices got loud… I once told my mom about my plans of publishing a book and she answered, “But who would ever buy that?”

I guess she’s right. It’s been more than a month. And I still got zero sales. If you’d like to prove my mother wrong, feel free to purchase it here. 😉

I don’t think it’s all about the sales but rather about the courage and the determination to not listen to the voices telling me I’m not good enough and just publish it.

I wanted to jump up and down with joy when it went live on Amazon. It took all the strength in me not to tell my mother because I know it will only be received with a lifeless comment.

Some of us have dreams that others can’t and refuse to support. But that’s okay, because you have God and yourself. In my case, I’ve also been blessed with a boyfriend who truly believes in me more than anyone ever has.

There’s light in the darkness and there is hope for us to rise up from all this negativity weighing us down. Don’t stay in the deep dark well, you can bounce back and let your light shine. Believe in yourself. ✨

Posted in Updates

A Daring Adventure or Nothing

Posted on by Rachel

Happy new month, lovelies!

I am so grateful that God has gifted us with another month to cherish. It’s exciting to think about what He has in store for us these coming days.

I love beginnings because it provides me with a clean slate. I am planning to incorporate journaling into my life again. I used to do this everyday when I was in college. Unfortunately, my dedication for this hobby got drained in the sink and so a downward spiral began for my thoughts.

Happiness oozes in me as I share with you that yesterday I started with my November Scripture Writing Plan and November Writing Prompts.

Goals

Here are some of the goals I have for this month.

  1. Buy a whole outfit.
  2. Eat at a restaurant I haven’t been to.
  3. Start a new Prayer Journal.
  4. Finish my book by 50%.
  5. Finish “The Four Million” by O. Henry,

With all my heart, I am hoping I can accomplish these 5 simple goals. As a person whose commitment gets lost faster than a bubble, this can be pretty hard for me. I will be needing the good Lord’s help for this. (tbh, I can’t do anything without Him)

I’m just full of excitement for this month! What about you? What are your goals for November? Share them on the comments below.

Truly,

Rachel

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.

Helen Keller
Posted in Childhood Tales

Someday, just like the old times

Posted on by Rachel

Soil, leaves, flowers these were all useful ingredients for my cooking session with my playmate, Mia. As little children, we had a blast pretending we had a carinderia.

Carinderia in the Philippines, is an eatery that serves home-cooked meals.

We loved to use our imagination as we prepared meals. In between cooking sessions we would talk about life and our future. It was everyday, from early in the morning until the sunset. And yet it felt like it was never enough.

If our parents would allow, Mia and I would spend a few hours watching Totally Spies or Kim Possible on TV before supper.

At night, we’d stand by our windows at home and call out to each other to talk while the cricket sung and the moon shone brightly.

Other games we played were piko, tumba patis and lagsanay. We also played with dolls.

It was nice to think that back then, children chose to play outside rather than spend the day watching TV or glued to a mobile device.

When we had nothing else to do, we’d sit on the sofa and just talk our hearts out.

After a few years, we grew up, got busy in school and seemed to forget about each other.

Mia only stayed at our neighbor’s house during the summer and as the seasons went by, she stopped coming.

It didn’t mean much to me, to be honest. I had new friends at school. But there were times I wished that when I went home, she would be there waiting by the doorstep ready to talk and have fun ’til our little worries disappeared.

Maybe it was me getting caught up in schoolworks and wanting to be at the top of my class that led me to I think it wasn’t important to have friends as long as I had good grades. I wish someone told me how wrong I was.

At a young age, I ruined a lot of friendships because of my need to be at the top of my class. It was all I ever cared about. I wanted approval, praise and honor like my whole life depended on it. It feels sickening to think about it now.

Presently, I don’t have much friends. In my high school times, I did not even know how to make friends. I only knew how to study and make a safe reputation.

Which is why when Mia moved to my University, (I was a highschooler, and she was in her first year of college), there was little to no effort in my part to keep the friendship alive. (Even though we spent years together at the same Uni when I entered college.) On the other hand, she was always bursting with excitement whenever we ran into each other.

I am grateful for her cheerful and kind spirit because according to her, “nothing has changed between us.“ Our friendship is still the same. But is it?

Maybe in some ways it is. We still laugh the same and treat each other just like the old times.

Deep down, I know I have changed. I don’t feel free as I did before. Being with her and with others makes me stiff and vigilant of my surroundings. A loud laugh or a raised voice because of glee makes my heart stop and worry, ‘Oh my gosh! What will people think?!’

I don’t know how to have fun anymore. The hardships of growing up bursted the bubble of my vivid imagination.

My sensitive nature prompted me to retreat, causing my self discomfort to be around people, even with my childhood friend.

I used to be someone who loved to laugh and craved adventure. Mia retained her spirit of carefree confidence and I didn’t.

Maybe I was never confident to begin with, but I can’t remember being this uptight and uncomfortable with myself.

As a child, I knew I was crazy – mostly happy, sometimes scared. But I always felt free and open to do anything even when it scared the hell out of me.

I became so focused in school and forgot what play looked life. What life felt like– the one with no worries of competition rather all focused on blooming with grace despite the rain that may shower the day.

My eyes started to open during my last years in college. It was when the overflow of regrets came to wash over me like a tsunami. I drowned down into the depths.

By God’s grace, slowly so subtly, I am healing and discovering that I can change once again, but this time for the better.

To Mia, you might never read this, but I’d want to say both thank you and I’m sorry.

When I’m ready, I hope we can build our friendship once again. This time, we won’t have to play pretend because we can run free and do anything we want without a care in the world.

Love,

Rachel

Posted in Lessons Learned, Personal Stories

Highschool:we meet again.

Posted on by Rachel

There’s a part of me that wants to prove I’m not the same girl years ago.

I want to show them:

I’m confident now. I’m strong. I’m fun to be with.

But the more I try, the more my insecurity shows. The more it all seems fake.

Inside the car with my old friends, I close my eyes and let go…

I don’t have to be.

I don’t have to pretend.

We were all young once. Stupid and unsure of ourselves. We all made mistakes.

It’s strange to find grace and happiness from people who I once feared because of my “inadequacy”.

Grace.

Acceptance.

Unexpected gestures that I will forever be grateful for.

Deep down, I don’t have to prove it.

I am not the same girl 7 years ago.

We are not the same person years ago.

We’ve grown. Changed. Matured even.

There’s no need to prove it because it’s obvious.

One thing remains though: the friendship.

A friendship so deep you didn’t even realize it was there.

But it is.

Rooted in our hearts.

Watered by time.

And even in the tide of events, it will always stay.

We’ll always find our way to each other.

Full of grace.

Full of joy.

Surely, we are wiser than yesterday.

Posted in Questions

When are you happiest?

Posted on by Rachel

I had to think deep before I came up with an answer.

I am at my happiest when I forget myself and get caught up in the moment.

When for a moment I forget who I am. I forget my mistakes, my failures and imperfections. In a glimpse of time, I allow my self to laugh out loud without a care in the world.

I am also happy when I am alone. With no one to worry about. No casting glances, no seizing up, no one to look at me up and down like I’m a piece of meat.

I am at my happiest when I look at the sky or the stars at night and feel God’s comforting presence.

To sum it all up, I am happy when I just forget…

… When I just forget who I am.