Month: January 2021

Posted in Rachel's Journal 🌼

A Sunday Afternoon Under the Mango Tree

Posted on by Rachel

Under the mango tree, I stood while my mother sat on a worn out plastic chair. I quietly splattered hair dye around her greying locks. While I worked in silence, she chattered endlessly about trivial matters, jumping from one topic to another. I stared at her brown skin revealing the fact that throughout the years, the sun had not been tender towards it.

I realized that my mother is growing old and no amount of hair dye could hide that. In silent reverie, I made an unconscious promise to be kind to her.

The wind intensely and gently blew around. It was as if she was reminding us, that though she is kind she can be fierce too.

Our dogs, Susie and Viola came to join us after awhile. And when all was finished, the ambience felt light and comfortable.

I reveled in the wind, the trees, the chirping of the birds, the sun casting bright lights and at our dogs looking so adorable.

While walking around, I saw what yesterday’s wind had done to our trees.

I also took a selfie with our pandikaki plant and thank God I was not bitten by this tiny creature. (see below)

Also! Indian mangoes are back in season! I’m hoping to eat some in the coming days.

In conclusion, it was a pleasant afternoon that I rarely experience. Emma is at her grandparents’ house so I get to have a little peace and quiet today. I do miss her though.

I just want to capture this moment in a blog post since I seldom spend time outside these days.

Posted in deconstruction

I just have to sit through this

Posted on by Rachel

I used to think I was right about everything related to faith and belief.

My parents said so.

My church said so.

But now, I don’t think so.

Everything I hear that is related to the Bible or Christianity, I now take it with a grain of salt. It’s like I have developed this wall of protection around me. I don’t want to be led blindly anymore.

My sister in law now lives at our house and she joins our Bible reading during Saturdays. I’ve noticed that my Dad is beginning to teach her everything he knows just the way he used to teach us at first.

And now it’s like I get to listen to it once again but not from a vulnerable girl’s point of view, but from a perspective of a woman who has been lied to, throughout the years.

It’s hard to admit that I don’t take everything he says as truth anymore. Sometimes what he teaches makes makes sense, but other times I see it for what it is: a blind faith. A plot to make you feel guilty for believing otherwise. A plan to unconsciously hurt you in the long run.

I find it unbearable to sit through those Bible discussions because it reminds me of all the things I’ve missed out on and the trauma that this false religion has given me.

I try to shut down several times and build a wall so high that everything I hear, I now deflect. I do admit sometimes it sounds stupid. Everything just sounds weird and stupid. I don’t want to be forced to believe in a lie anymore.

Maybe it will get easier someday but for now I just have to sit through every Saturday afternoon’s fiasco.

Posted in Earth Psalms Reflection

Week Three: Variety in Creation

Posted on by Rachel

This week is all about observing and appreciating the differences of the people around you.

I learned that there are 7,500 kinds of apples in the world! I never knew that before. I have only tasted the Red Delicious and Fuji. After reading the chapter, I looked inside the fridge for an apple and ate it with delight while contemplating about the different kinds.

Throughout the week, I also thought about my family and friends. I pondered upon their different characteristics and was even amused to remember their good and bad traits, as well as their quirks and habits.

It blew my mind just thinking about how no one is exactly alike in every single way. If I deeply ingrain that fact in my mind, it makes me respect God more. I also gain a sense of appreciation for myself because I am the one and only in this whole wide world!

In what ways do you think our culture encourages sameness?

In terms of beauty, body and personality, the media and society itself have set the standard of what is deemed as “acceptable” and “beautiful.” We see billboards that promote the same body type and sends a message of what we should all strive to look like.

It wasn’t until last year, that I learned there are different body types such as the apple shape, pear shape, inverted triangle and many more! This made me realize that I shouldn’t try to look like someone else but rather to appreciate my own features and body. We are all different in varied ways.

There’s also different personality types. You can learn more about your personality by taking the Myers-Briggs Personality Test Online.

And even with these categorizations of body types, personality, hair, facial features, and whatnots, there’s still a huge amount of uniqueness that each one possesses.

How does variety in appearance, attitudes, talents and personality reflect God’s character?

We find a little bit of God in ourselves and in every person that we meet. I think that’s amazing.

I’ve been watching the reality show, Pinoy Big Brother, wherein several people with different backgrounds, age and personalities all live in one house while undergoing a series of tasks. It’s been a fun show and it made me realize the variety of characteristics in each one of them. Their stories and personalities also make them unique.

There is so much variety not just in people, but also in nature and I am filled with gratitude that God made it that way.

Posted in Earth Psalms Reflection

Week Two: Prayer Leads to Peace

Posted on by Rachel

This week was all about cultivating a sense of peace by trusting that God will care for us.

The author compared our “worries” to an annoying woodpecker she encountered in her home. This spiked up my interest as to why these birds love to peck on wood. Here’s a video clip I found:

What worries are keeping you from God’s peace?

Lately, I’ve been worrying about my status in life. I also worry about my time each day. I want to make each moment worthwhile. I also want to earn money through my online shops but motivation is so hard to find these days.

I guess my worry is mainly about how I’m going to make it in this world.

The two challenges this week is to (1) spend time outside or look outside the window and observe how God cares for nature (2) repeat Philippians 4:6-7 when worry comes through.

I wasn’t able to spend a lot of time outside this week because I’ve been caring for my 10 month old niece, Emma. However, on a cloudy day, I saw birds flying around the sky while it was drizzling. It made me think of what happens to the birds when it rains. Here’s a short explanation:

Where do Birds go When it Rains?

This Friday, my sense of peace was shaken when Emma’s bottle of milk was spilled all over her parent’s bed. I had to move fast to dry up everything, while my niece was crying for attention.

I was about to burst and blame myself for not checking her bottle, but then I remembered to stay calm and be at peace. I asked God for help. And quickly managed the time I had, to clean Emma, change her clothes and wash them, dry up the bed and change the bedsheets. All under one hour.

It was a challenging task but one I enjoyed because I chose to have peace and stay calm.

All throughout the week, I would repeat Philippians 4:6-7 to myself whenever worries come crashing in.

I wish I can tell you it stopped all my worries, but it didn’t. They’re still here like a woodpecker pecking on the corners of my mind. But this week, I gained hope knowing that God can give us peace.

I like this quote mentioned in the book:

Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.

Erma Bombeck

I guess it is a matter of choice. Will we choose to spend our time worrying? Or will we choose to be present in the moment and make the most of what we have?

One thing I failed to do this week, is to pray about everything that’s inside my heart and mind. Definitely something I will work on in the coming days.

Playlist for Earth Psalms:

Posted in Rachel's Journal 🌼

At 70

Posted on by Rachel
© Bethany Robin

Today, my Dad turned 70.

We weren’t able to celebrate the way we used to, with cake and ice cream because he doesn’t eat sugar anymore.

We got pizza and burgers instead.

There’s a small tinge of sadness in me because I didn’t have a gift to offer, like I used to.

Despite of this, my heart is still full because I can sense that my Dad feels happy. And that’s all that matters to me.

May you always have peace of mind and happiness.

I love you forever, Daddy.

Posted in Books - Reflections, Reviews and Thoughts

Hattie Big Sky

Posted on by Rachel

*Spoiler Alert! This post may contain spoilers!*

After inheriting her uncle’s homesteading claim in Montana, 16-year-old orphan Hattie Brooks travels from Iowa in 1917 to make a home for herself and encounters some unexpected problems related to the war being fought in Europe.

Goodreads.com

I seldom write book reviews because I don’t know how. I’ll just share what I think.

The book is well-written and thoroughly researched. I’ve read in the back pages that the author spent 3 years in research for the book. I love how the characters are well-rounded and realistic. I also appreciate how the author included even the tiny details of Hattie’s day as to give the full picture of what life was like in 1917.

While reading this book, I couldn’t help but wish I was there with Hattie. When I was young, I’ve always had this longing to live and experience life in a homestead. I want to wake up before the sun rises, feel the breeze on my cheeks, milk the cows, feed the chickens, ride horses and watch the stars at night.

Through this book, I realized that living in a homestead is not an easy task but one that requires hard work. I loved Hattie’s unique adventures throughout the book.

One significant part of the story is Hattie realizing that a home doesn’t necessarily mean a place to stay, but the people you surround yourself with. She gained a family by making friends with Perilee and Karl and their children, Leafie, Jim, and others.

I think Hattie is strong and determined for her willingness to make a living for herself.

How to explain to these two children the longing in my heart for what they had? To be part of a family. To have a place to call home.

We’d both signed on for something we’d envisioned as heroic and glamorous. The heroism and glamour might be there somewhere, but you had to dig and scrape and scrabble through the dirt, pain, and misery to find it. Assuming you could find it.

“My mama always said piecing quilts is like making friends.” She kept her eyes on the scissors as she cut up a piece of blue ticking. “Sometimes the more different fabrics—and people—are,” she said, “the stronger the pattern.”

Additional Resources

Music playlist for the book:

Moodboard:

https://pin.it/5FTPOkJ

Posted in Sunday Night Song

Goodbye To You

Posted on by Rachel

Instructions to truly resonate with this post:

1. Listen to the song before reading.

2. Listen to the song while reading.

3. Listen to the song after reading.

I hope this song becomes a part of your journey in life!

I first heard this song when I was about 11. I remember dedicating this song to a grade school crush who was graduating and who broke my heart for not liking me back. I was soooooo dramatic.

This song has always had a special place in my heart. It reminds me of the things and people I want to say goodbye to.

I want to say goodbye to my past beliefs, broken friendships, mistakes and regrets. I want to say goodbye to the old me.

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can’t live a day without you
Closin’ my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it’s not right

This particular lyrics, in this season of my life, reminds me of the religion and belief I used to have. Saying goodbye to everything I believed to be true, is hard. I loved being an SDA but I have to admit that I was blinded and I need to move on to discover the truth.

And so… I say goodbye. In order for me to survive and grow, I need to say goodbye to you.

I guess in various seasons of our lives, we say goodbye to different things or people. I was 11 saying goodbye to a crush and it never crossed my mind that a decade after, I’ll be saying goodbye to everything that I knew.

Posted in Rachel's Journal 🌼

Sunday Thoughts & Blues

Posted on by Rachel

Before the pandemic started, every Sunday morning, as a family we would go out for breakfast, then have groceries after. Our favorite places to dine were Bluejay Coffee & Co., Bo’s Coffee and occasionally, Coffee Project.

This Sunday, we got to have the same routine except for the presence of my Dad who chose to stay at home because he can’t stand wearing a mask.

The ambiance in Coffee Project oozes with aesthetics and privilege? I mean most people who enter have the stance and confidence of rich people. I usually feel uncomfortable but I just try to focus on the pleasing interior.

The food and drinks here are good but a bit expensive.

I ordered a Caramel Latte.

For breakfast, I ordered Chicken Parmigiana with Hot Pepper Rice which I forgot to take a picture of.

While waiting for our orders to arrive, I glanced around to see that almost everyone was looking down on their phones. It got me thinking, “what was it like for people before, who didn’t have such technology? what did they do in a coffee shop while waiting for their drinks to arrive?”

I thought that maybe they talked a lot or if they were alone, brought a book with them to entertain themselves or maybe they just sat and think or observe.

I didn’t want to use my phone and in front of me about 5 feet away, a boy about 12 years old was sitting down with earphones on and so I did the same since my mom and brother were not in the mood for talking. And I reflected upon the book I read last night.

I remember how last year I would sit in those same spots and worry about the upcoming Monday were I had to face survival in an office setting. Now, I’m so grateful I can breathe easily without the anxiety of work brooding around.

After our fancy and expensive breakfast, (😢😅) we went to a family friend for some errands to make. It’s so weird to think we seldom see the people close to us anymore.

After our fast adventure, we headed to the grocery store, S&R. I only took one photo and an unflattering one as well.

I was caught up in talking to my brother as well as looking for something to buy. I got some few essentials.

It was a normal day but I just wanted to share what life was like today. The weather is cool and cloudy, the cars are few, and the day is peaceful.

I’m so glad that amidst the pandemic, we still get to have good days.

While sometimes, I feel like it’s safe to go out, I know it isn’t. Our enemy, the virus is still roaming around and we need to practice caution and care.

My heart goes out to all the families who have lost loved ones in this pandemic. Truly, you’ll never know what it feels like `til it happens to you. While life must go on, I hope we can all be sensitive, learn to take precautions, and keep in mind those who are fighting this virus and the frontliners risking their lives to help.

Stay safe!

Posted in Earth Psalms Reflection

Week One: Faithfulness Day and Night

Posted on by Rachel

This week was all about pondering and reflecting on God’s faithfulness.

A little story: for months, I’ve been deconstructing my faith passively aggresively. For now, I think I’m slowly getting back on track with my relationship with God.

I’m using Francine River’s book, Earth Psalms, as a devotional which I hope will encourage and inspire me in my faith.

To be honest, being in this journey is such a hard process; one that I feel can easily crumble down. Knowing that the religion I used to practice is a false one has definitely shaken me to the core.

This week’s topic will be a soothing relief to my soul as it talks about God’s mercies and protection.

Here are some of my reflections and updates throughout the week:

©Gracelaced co.

What does it mean that God’s mercies are new, or fresh, every day?

For me, it means that God gives us a brand new, clean slate to start all over again each day. When we ask forgiveness, He forgets about our sins and encourages us to move forward.

I struggle a lot with reminiscing past mistakes and regrets so this wonderful truth of God’s mercy & steadfast love is like a soothing balm to my heart.

Yesterday’s mistakes don’t carry over.

How can remembering God’s faithful presence and protection give you peace as you go about your daily activities?

To have in mind God’s faithful presence and protection, gives me peace that no matter what the day brings, God is greater and He is in control.

I don’t go out much these days, I’m usually at home. It does make me feel safe but sometimes challenges come along as well. Remembering God is faithful and will protect me, gives me courage.

Sometimes I realize I’ve been protected from a harm such as almost falling off the stairs, or almost slipping through the bathroom floor, and other common accidents that can happen inside the house. And who knows what God’s protection has done for my parents.

This week was one of the coldest so far this month. Sunrises and sunsets were not visually seen, except for a few. Here are some photos I took.

January 12, 2021
First hint of sunlight of the week.
January 12, 2021
First sunset seen for the week.
January 15, 2021
I was awakened by God’s grace to see this beautiful sunrise. It was funny to think I woke up just to look at it and fell right back to sleep again.

Personal thoughts and reflection:

This week has brought me so much peace. I love how I’m taking this faith journey, slowly and without pressure. It has given me a lot of time to meditate and think about God. Every morning, I reflect on select Bible verses rather than reading chapters and not retaining anything. I also listen to this playlist I made based on the book, every morning.

You can follow it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1x3o0V2I4gviD9QmB2QOSk?si=5Gv5vHnIRWeHlVAI7AbSPQ

It will be updated every week.

Overall, I’m just really happy to be getting back my relationship with God.

One thing I can improve is to take time to observe the sunrises and sunsets, rather than treat it as a 3 minute objective to take a photo and post it here. I will definitely try to take more time and focus on observing the incredible beauty of our Creator.