One of the questions from the Goodbye Hello journal is; what was your happiest moments?
I have to stop and think.
And shouldn’t that be the case? Shouldn’t I remember right away what they were? Has my mind been so clouded with sorrow that I forgot?
I can’t remember.
When was I truly happiest this 2020? Nothing even comes to mind. Sure, I’ve had happy moments but I can’t remember one where my heart swelled and soared or my belly ached with laughter.
Maybe I just forgot or I didn’t have one.
Taylor Swift’s song, New Year’s Eve, has a line which says,
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you.
Next time, I have the happiest moment of my life, I’ll hope to remind myself to hold on to it. So I won’t forget.
Sometimes, I have the happiest moment ever, but then I remember that I have to go home and that this will be all over. What happens is the memory is replaced with fear and worry that I have to get home on time.
Maybe that’s why. Maybe I don’t have happy memories because they are always layered with fear.
Happy memories are like treasures in a box.
Mine just happens to be empty for now, but not for long.
Life With Rachel 