Month: August 2020

Posted in Rachel's Journal 🌼

June Bug

Posted on by Rachel

Have you ever had moments where you regret not taking a picture?

I had that moment today. Again.

A little baby bug was found clinging to my newly washed t-shirt when I folded it this morning.

It was tiny and cute so I transferred it to an old towel nearby.

My first thought, which I must say, was horrible of me to think, was to throw it into the dark garbage bin or flush it down.

Then I stopped myself and asked, why?

It’s not doing anyone harm.

Thus, I decided to bring the little guy home.

I delivered it unto a Gumamela leaf, which he refused. So I grabbed a thick piece of grass and poked its claws until it transferred.

Definitely a moment that sparked peace and joy in my heart.

It made my soul swell with smiles.

It made me think how good God is.

I thanked myself I didn’t throw it away.

It’s an indescribable feeling, all brought to me by a little bug.

“I wish I took a picture,” was all I could say to myself.

I really wish I did. But special moments, even when not documented by photos, are deeply ingrained in our hearts and minds.

What I did today made me realize that all creatures have life and no matter how small, I think they too, deserve kindness and respect.

*Of course we should practice good judgment as some creatures are harmful! 😉

Fun fact: I was today years old when I found out this bug I found, is called the June Bug. They’re quite common in the Philippines.

Posted in Personal Stories

Questioning My Beliefs

Posted on by Rachel

A few years back, I was on my way to church on a bright Saturday morning, when suddenly a question popped out of nowhere:

If your Dad stopped believing in the Sabbath, would you still keep it?

My whole being was stunned. I wanted to say, “Of course!” But the truth was simmering deep within.

I was keeping the Sabbath because of my father.

My Dad strictly implemented we keep the Sabbath from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown which is the reason why I would rush home every Friday. It’s not because I’m “honoring” God but rather I’m honoring my Dad.

After that epiphany, guilt seeped through my soul. I needed to get right with God and learn to have an independent kind of faith.

For days, I’d imagine myself living alone in some foreign country and wondering if in that open space of freedom, I would still keep the Sabbath. Turns out I felt I would but maybe not to the extent of how my Dad does.

This is a controversial thought even to me so I decided to keep it tuck inside of my heart.

During the quarantine, memories of feeling empty inside the church resurfaced. I remember sitting on the pews, observing and realizing that the elders cared more for the flow of the program than the actual worship for God.

Isn’t the reason why we’re in church to worship God?

Yet more enthusiasm is given to announcements for church building or radio ministries or “please enroll your kids to our church school!””

I wanted to worship God.

The best I could get of the glimpse of real closeness to my Heavenly Father is when we would kneel and sing a short chorus of “Open Our Eyes.”

The sermons usually consisted of pastors shouting and subliminaly telling us we have to work for our salvation. Either that, or showing 100 slides of their trip to some mountain and 5 slides of the actual sermon.

Those moments brewed up the doubt in me: Am I in the right church?

I couldn’t feel God near inside the church no matter how hard I tried.

Youth programs consisted of trips to an isolated place while throwing God in the mix with some basic Bible games.

The quarantine gave me a lot of time away from the church which made me reflect and question…

What if everything you were taught was wrong?

I couldn’t even begin to entertain that question. I felt evil for ever thinking that Jesus was outside our church belief.

Right now, I’m in a state of relearning.

I want to learn the Scripture with the lens from the Holy Spirit and no one else’s.

It’s hard and confusing because what if I’m wrong? What if all these years, the reason why I felt there was this wall between God and me is because I didn’t know Him correctly?

It’s scary and I don’t know what’s going to happen next.

I’ll take these moments and dedicate it to prayer and study of the Scripture.

I’m asking for your prayers.

I trust that God will lead me to the right path.