When I can’t fall asleep, I think about the things I could do.
What can I do to serve God? To make a difference in this world?
My dream has always been to make an impact on someone or on society as a whole. I want to be a beacon of God’s light and to make a difference.
To make a difference. To make a difference…
The moment my thoughts ramble one after the other and they consume the corners of my brain, I think about the future too.
The future says I might end up alone in this world with no one to love me. The future says I will waste my days being insecure. The future says my dreams will never come true.
Never, never, never…
As this string of rumination begins to pull each other into a big pile of ball rolling down my brain and dropping into my heart, I begin to fear.
My soul feels like it’s gnawing in pain and anguish. Loneliness is such a heavy word to even utter. A heavy state to be in.
I close my eyes and force myself to sleep.
I let the name of Jesus roll around my tongue. I pray for peace that passes understanding. I pray for His arms to wrap me up in love and remind me that I’m not alone.
I pray and pray and pray until I fall asleep in bliss, with the assurance that Jesus loves me tonight and forevermore…
My brain becomes silent and void. In the dark and quiet room the corners of my heart form into a smile. Her cold voice whispers, “She’s sleeping, at last…”
Life With Rachel 